They thought I’d be a champion; They boasted loud of me. A dozen victories I’d won, The Press was proud of me. I saw myself with glory crowned,

Tick—tocking in my ear My dollar clock I hear. ‘Arise,’ it seems to say: ‘Behold another day To grasp the golden key

Franklin fathered bastards fourtee… (So I read in the New Yorker); If it’s true, in terms of courtin’ Benny must have been a corker. To be prudent I’ve aspired,

The Cow—Juice Cure The clover was in blossom, an’ the… When Flap—jack Billy hit the town… The frost was on the fodder an’ th… When Billy got to seein’ snakes i…

France is the fairest land on eart… Lovely to heart’s desire, And twice a year I span its girth… Its beauty to admire. But when a pub I seek each night,

Elisabeth imagines I’ve A yellow streak She deems I have no dash and driv… Jest dogoned weak. ‘A man should be a man,’ says Liz

In the wilds of Madagascar, Dwelt… For her hand young men would ask h… Oh that Boola—boola maid She was… And —when the day was done At the… As this ditty she was cooing, Cam…

Upon his way to rob a Bank He paused to watch a fire; Though crowds were pressing rank o… He pushed a passage nigher; Then sudden heard, piercing and wi…

What have we done, Oh Lord, that… Are evil starred? How have we erred and sinned to be So scourged and scarred? Lash us, Oh Lord, with scorpion w…

Oh Julie Claire was very fair, Yet generous as well, And many a lad of metal had A saucy tale to tell Of sultry squeeze beneath the tree…

Oh, it’s pleasant sitting here, Seeing all the people pass; You beside your bock of beer, I behind my demi—tasse. Chatting of no matter what.

Because I was a woman lone And had of friends so few, I made two little ones my own, Whose parents no one knew; Unwanted foundlings of the night,

Think not because you raise A gleaming sword, That you will win to praise Before the Lord. And though men hail you great

I wanted the gold, and I sought i… I scrabbled and mucked like a slav… Was it famine or scurvy—I fought… I hurled my youth into a grave. I wanted the gold, and I got it—

His face was like a lobster red, His legs were white as mayonnaise: “I’ve had a jolly lunch,” he said, That Englishman of pleasant ways. “Thy do us well at our hotel: