Depends on if the judge is fair, Depends how high the heels you wea… Depends on if they count the hair, Depends if they allow the chair.

(Chorus) Pour me another tequila, Sheila. Take off that red satin dress. 'Cause I crossed the border, And I beat the dealer for all of…

Everything’s wrong, Days are too long, Sunshine’s too hot, Wind is too strong. Clouds are too fluffy,

But please walk softly as you do. Frogs dwell here and crickets too. Ain’t no ceiling, only blue. Jays dwell here and sunbeams too. Floors are flowers - take a few

No one’s hangin’ stockin’s up, No one’s bakin’ pie, No one’s lookin’ up to see A new star in the sky. No one’s talkin’ brotherhood,

CHORUS We’ll drink a drink adrink To Lily the Pink the Pink the Pi… The savior of The human ra-a-ace!

Oh a little bitty termite you know… Well he walked right in sat right… You know he chewed out the walls a… But he kept gettin’ thinner and he… He said it’s plastic yeah he said…

Now, listen to me, folks... Hear what I say. You got to eat oysters everyday They’ll put your love life back on… They’re nature’s own aphrodisiac.

Oh, the thumb-sucker’s thumb May look wrinkled and wet And withered, and white as the sno… But the taste of a thumb Is the s… (As only we thumb-suckers know).

The morning sun touched lightly on The eyes of Lucy Jordan In her white suburban bedroom In a white suburban town, As she lay there ‘neath the covers…

Fell asleep last night with the T… Oh, what a dream I had. Dreamed I went and answered ev’ry… One of those late night mail order… Then four to six weeks later,

She put in her clothes, Then thought she’d get A free bath here At the launderette. So round she goes now,

Eat a tomato and you’ll turn red (I don’t think that’s really so); Eat a carrot and you’ll turn orang… (Still and all, you never know); Eat some spinach and you’ll turn g…

(To be said in one breath) Elaine gives me a pain, Gill makes me ill, Winnie is a ninny, Orin is borin’