Words of Love From My Long-Ago Lover: November 2005
Emily
The clock says it’s 4am Sunday.
I’m not sure if the time changed.
Since you left yesterday,
I have almost existed outside of myself in complete abstractness.
When I think about us. I transcend, literally.
Not a cosmic eyeball, but more a unified experience of love.
Someone should call me a doctor,
because I have exceeded four hours . . .!
Emily,
I love you.
And I shall try and describe the experience
That changed my very self.
Inclined to agree with Jungian concepts
Archetypes and association.
Minds are columnar webs,
Absorbing fragments of information throughout our lives.
Supernatural and believers of animism
Allow diachronic, or eternal 'archetypes’ as well.
These archetypes of the past are encoded
Via literature, movies, morals, and such.
Cultural conditioning.
Certain things are our dreams embodied.
Thus, identity mirrors memory
Dreams are reflections of desirable
Or undesirable existence.
Your brown eyes are the shade I really love
Your sandy brown/blonde hair,
Not quite as tall as me, but not too short either.
Feminine.
Natural.
I would wonder
Like the first time I saw you.
This is why you are a dream come true.
The course of our interactions ..
Simply talking with you is joyful,
Making eye contact while speaking, we communicate.
This is not something to be taken lightly.
Communication is difficult.
Barriers exist between people.
Language is metaphorical
It must breach a wall.
Mindfulness is the only defense.
Little nothings, small nonsense:
They are communication..
Talking about experience, resolving fears, takes trust.
I notice your gestures and inflections
They seem familiar to me.
Small things you do make me so happy.
I love you as an individual.
Friday, I wanted to see you, hold you, and love you.
Too bad we could not.
I thought about you a lot that day,
And our time together earlier in the week.
I was in a thoughtful, reflective good mood.
I wanted you.
Occasionally, I lie down and fantasize about us,
Thinking of the gentle way you take hold of me...\nWhen you could talk, we talked for awhile.
You turned me on.
Catching little hints of Southern/Louisiana accent.
So many sweet things that fill my heart with love.
When I know you are coming over in the morning,
I usually get up ahead of time.
I looked at the clock, 9:45, didn’t know if I was dead or alive,
Looked at my watch, then it was 10
I didn’t think you were coming again.
It’s funny, I just can’t control my feelings.
At 10:30, I played the guitar.
And was thinking you weren’t coming and how disappointing that would make my day. At 11, I lie down on my bed, with the phone right by me,
And just sort of put my head on the pillow.
Heard your heels coming up the step.
My heart bounded.
Oh, Emily, what followed was just magical.
I have never experienced being loved like you love me.
That was the best orgasm I ever had ..
Due to the transcendent oneness.
I know you felt me quake.
My heart nearly exploded!
Combinations of so many appealing things about your person
Transport me into rapture.
The other day you made a comment about ripples..
I never experienced them before, but I have now.
I really have no option but to lie about and dream about you.
Ecstasy!
