I wish I could change colour when I suffer symptoms of depression.
Nobody knows apart from me the suffering inside my mind. If only I turned orange then everyone would know that I’m in pain, in agony... This silent virus inside eating away at me, invisible to the eye, torture to my mind, body and soul.
People break bones, get ill and sick, others sympathise with real care and concern, making allowances and supporting them.
While others get “You’re depressed? Yeh I feel low sometimes... Snap out of it, you will feel better soon... Back to work, best to take your mind off it” no one is understanding, no knowledge, little patience, I can’t see your pain so there’s nothing I can do for you.
All I need is time, love and shelter. Warmth from another and understanding that I am unwell, there’s a problem in my head... Crossed wires, negativity, cruelty and paranoia rein.
I cope in the best way I can, it’s not kind or ideal, I don’t like myself for doing it but what other choice do I have,  it feels like there’s no other way.

I don’t know how I’m meant to be feeling about feeling like this?
I am anxious, numb, distant, dark, clouded and blue
Should I hide it with a smile or sit in a darkened room?
I feel like I need to be closed off and hidden away, under a blanket away from the world, but is it best?
Should I paint a smile on, hide behind a mask and walk about like I don’t have a care in the world?

I tarnish everyone around me, they worry, children hug me, it makes me feel guilty, like I’m not worthy, I shouldn’t be given sympathy, just be gentle with me
I need my thoughts to stay in my head so I can protect my family, nevertheless by doing this I harm myself more? The dilemmas, thoughts in my mind are constant and unforgiving as they speed through my mind at 200 mph. I want them to stop, I can’t keep up!