I’ve been thinking about you a lot today, as the earth spins and the gravity retains its grip I find myself floating, floating down the river that leads to you, I almost get close enough to touch you before reality hits and sucks me back into my room where the blanket curls around my fists as refrain from letting go of my second reality. I feel weightless, as if someone has touched my head and said “hey look, you can fly”.  My pillow begins to mouldy itself around my head, just before I fall into a sea of sadness only to later find that it’s your hand I see pulling me out, I see the smile on your sweet face and you stare in silence. The silence is all I need, the silence speaks volumes on unsound ears and my hand shakes because my grip gets tighter on the covers.

I fall again. Like I did the time when I realised love was something I could feel and not just see in movies. I melt with joy as I listen to your voice play on repeat in the back of my mind while I wait for your call home, and when you answer and discover the Internet’s power once again I realise that; love, love is something so strong yet my words are too weak to bare, so as I write this a tear jerks forth from an eyelid housing an eye not worthy of your image, I lay waiting for your mind to once again open beneath millions of pixels one again.

While you save the part of me that was falling apart I caress the feeling, because everyday I'm with you, I know that this broken piece is just debris left over from the war I waged on myself because I felt I was never good enough; it’s funny. How could I never see that I was ill, and I needed medicine? Nothing in a first aid kit but what could be found in another Region of this vast planet. You remind me every day that every breath I breathe has meaning, and while I can breathe I will continue to talk of you and your story of beauty, both internal and external.

A red rose is Olivia bound and has your name stamped into the petals from a seed which doesn’t exist yet; waiting to come at a time when it’s worth of your touch. We have bad days which lay like a deck of Cards thrown upon a table of sorrow; I call its bluff, I know that you will have a good day tomorrow and so we’ve already won the jackpot.

So maybe we live 4,220 miles apart, and I can’t hold your hand because the distance is too great; but I sure can hold it in my head, I love you, I need you in my life... The other day I found myself hunting for a blade to rip the skin from my arms because I had a bad day, but you called. You called and you said, “Hey, everything’s okay!” You didn’t know what you did that day but, that day but you saved me from myself.

You saved me from the person that I used to be, you taught me that my life isn’t just a life that will die, and you taught me that my life is a life with meaning and reason. Now, I know I’m overweight and every time I stand I feel the fat hang from my body but you let me know that that’s okay; one day my burdens will fall apart and disappear, that day may even come this year! I know that this writing is lacking linguistic devices like iambic pentameter but I still feel the blood in my veins enough to know that although the words I’ve written aren’t beating as much as I’d like the too, my heart is.

I love you Olivia Kuykendall, and one day I will be able to whisper it in your ear, and until that day comes I’ll tell you through the microphone built behind plastics connecting me to the same network as you allowing my voice to travel and be heard, especially when I think that my voice has grown silent, inaudible. I feel it in my lungs and my head, heart, fingers, arms shoulders and...

I love you and I just thought you should know x