I fist met Cap’n Crunch back when he was 2nd Lieutenant C… He did this weird thing where he’d… in the powdered milk powder and sa… Stays crunchy even in milk!

I didn’t start consistently moonwa… until they required us to wear Fit… to qualify for our employee health…

People ask if God is real But that’s the wrong question The real question is whether or no… We are afraid to ask that question Because we are afraid of what othe…

All words are defined by other words except for God’s rule

Everybody impersonates who they used to be but only some are impostors

Instead of using our flashlights to move through the wilderness in the dark, slowly we believe that if we just keep shining them about the dark forest

In Judaism The three most important prohibiti… Idolatry, adultery, and murder In idolatry you abandon God In adultery you abandon your soulm…

Both my parents were tall and I ended up a shrimp Not coincidentally, my diet has al… largely consisted of pink flamingo… though scientists insist that it’s…

I was happy alone Because being together Meant being lonely Until you showed me That being together

As the Zamboni driver erasing everything that just happe… so it can all happen again I am preparing for my own death

Marriage is the only place I’m neither feature nor bug but both

Now that I’m wearing a mask I find myself telling strangers everything

Google Glass never took because smart phones are a prosthetic for the hands not the eyes

I don’t get mad I get odd

Rule #1- Where God says no, the devil says… And where the devil says no, God… Rule #2- If everybody knows the answers ahe…