Tired of my pre-contemplation phas… God sent me my wife Who Contemplated me during the honeymo… Prepared me for fatherhood

The devil is a man for all occasio… Because we always have a choice To rise to the bait But God created man By giving him a choice

Either like swords all signs have a point Or like the needle of a compass

When I started telling my employe… Apologies in advance! they still felt compelled by decor… No apologies needed which was how I ended exploitation

Social media is a dream come true– Finally, I can keep up appearances while letting myself go

They can kick you out and send you to Siberia but they can’t kick God out of Siberia

Your eyes are your tools For processing light But don’t trust the process– Trust the light

My shampoo is nine– ty nine percent natural, as if that were enough

One would think the earth is flat “Unless” as the Coen brothers put it “round is funny”

In the age of divorce It needs to be said: If you don’t want to end up divorc… Do not covet your neighbor’s ex-wi…

By Jove, the easi– est way to work on yourself is to get married

Instead of dismantling oppression we dismantled the printing press inaugurating the Information Age when no news is good news all information is disinformation

When we restrict someone’s space i… we say that they are doing time implying that the rest of us are doing spacetime You do time

If dreams are the fulfillment of wishes you aren’t allowed to make then daydreams are the fulfillment of wishes

War is hell, but be– ing conquered is hell on Earth which makes it much worse