When people ask me How are you doing? I tell them That’s above my pay grade

All the real archetypes are from the circus and I thought I was a clown until I found myself shot from a cannon

Everybody knows The pen is mightier than the sword But few understand That it’s because The pen is a lightsaber

You can cash in on your talent You can cash in on your good looks You can cash in on your hard work You can cash in on your good luck You can even cash in on all four

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

The only stipulation they put on our capitulation was against any abrogation in accepting their congratulations

Unconditional love is unbearable so there’s always at least one unspoken rule given to its recipie… Just don’t waste it on them

The devolution to a permanent ruling class of the progressive educated elite will not be televised Because the elite cut their cords

If husbands were like pro basketball players I’d be an all star but one with an exceptionally low trade value

People think that their report car… will be graded Pass/Fail but since God has a mysterious rep… He gives two grades in every subje… You get an A for effort

After the death of God religion lived on as an inquest taboo

Easy to please but problematic to appease

Guilty, I’d pled when left for dead for what I had said but as the undead squeezed my bonehead

My boss said It’s my way or the highway so, I took the highway to hell But when God said It’s your way or the doorway

The sign used to say: Gentlemen may remove their hats All others must Now it reads: Ladies and gentlemen may wear thei…