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Chris Gaither

You’re No Jack Kennedy

John F. Kennedy’s hair was so lustrous that
for the most part
men never wore hats again
 
At first
we must have looked oddly like tubes of toothpaste
that have lost their caps,
our exposed flowing locks
like minty green gel oozing out onto the pedestal sink
 
But by now
whether bald or hirsute
we look as natural as buzzards

Other works by Chris Gaither...
The Cry in “You Can Either Laugh or You Can Cry” Is Short for War Cry

A funny thing happened when I told them that you can either laugh or you can cr… No one laughed but for a second
I Might Have Known

They couldn’t have been more obvio… in their preparations for the surp… trusting that I was the type loathe to ruin my own surprise
We Have to Plant Seeds of Love Everywhere Because Hate Grows Back on Its Own

If only hate were but bone deep we could bury it with the bones But hate is buried deep in the sou… with which it reincarnates like a perennial crop of invasive…
Where Do I Even Begin?

The people pleaser’s greatest mist… is believing that if you always walk the line you will never have to
How the Will to Power Becomes the Will to Cower

Because it’s so hellacious transmuting lead into gold the people pleaser finds it heavenly to degrade gold into lead
Haiku

When I listen to the blues I can’t stop thinking of advice I’d give
Never Doubt That a Small Group of Thoughtless, Committed Citizens Can Change the World

It’s counterintuitive but refusing to make hard choices only to see them made on your beha… by the loudest voices still counts as being hoisted by y…
Men

Catwoman shamed Batman into getting out of the Batmobile… by telling him it was just like ec…
The Only Subject in Middle School Used to Be Social Studies; Now It’s Religious Studies

Because we are social beings whenever people said they have no… they always meant they have no soc… Real life was social life But now social life is short for
Postmodernism Is Secretly Founded on Truth

Life is a movie in which childhood is a sequel to your pare… adulthood is a prequel for your ch… and making it to old age is living in a spin-off
For the Express Purpose of Homeland Security

American Express changed its slog… “Don’t leave home without it” to “Don’t live life without it” in acknowledgement that
Love Thine Frenemy

The New Revised Standard Version… A frenemy of yours is a frenemy of… whereas the New King James Versi… The frenemy of my frenemy is my fr…
I Have a Theory About Theory

Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death
All Out-group Membership Cards Will Be Distributed by the In-group

First they promised us belonging Afterwards they clarified that they meant You belong to us
Ironic Distance Is Self-distancing

You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear



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