courage
first love
from time to time i find myself thinking
about those summer waves
i close my eyes and im taken back there
they call them the good ole days
it was laughin and drinkin and catfish and moonshine
but somehow i always forget
that after a while the sun turns to night
and we wish we had never met
eight summers have passed
since i finally cracked
and found the courage to tell you goodbye
you watched me drive away
with a smirk on your face
not a hug or a tear or a cry
you smug bastard, thought i would be back
like every other time before
you didn’t follow or run or call or chase
had me believin that i was a whore
this time i had plans
and planned to stick to them
didnt need you dimming my shine
so when a few months passed and you called to get back
i had you like a fish on a line
no more abusing and hating and fighting and waiting
for you to figure out your bit
no more trying to make you feel safe and secure
and me just feeling like shit
i spent years with indifference
with resentment and shame
working to build a new me
so how come now when that song comes on
i find myself thinking of the sea
where we stayed out all night
skinny dipping with friends
drinking beers under the stars and moon
it’s all laughin and drinkin and catfish and shine
how did i forget the bad so soon?
the thing i hate most is still seeing your face on that faithful day in july
where you smirked down at me from that house by sea
and had the nerve not to cry
as if you knew the hold you had on my heart
would same day wash ashore
and no matter the bruises or cussing or pain
i would come back for more
i wish i could still hate you
with the courage of a decade ago
but ive changed since then and mean it when
i refuse to stoop that low
so now that we’re friends that hang out now and then
i feel i have so much to say
to heal my old wounds, every cut, every bruise
does a first love ever fade away?
