Depression
Every time that I’m alone
I feel the darkness crawling back.
The pain that sits and never stirs
Comes rushing back
With just one glance.
I try my best just not to think.
To forget the past
And forget the pain.
I try and not think of bad thoughts.
Though they’re always there
Lurking in my heart.
I push them away with happy thoughts.
Spending time with my friends,
Laughing with my mum.
But as soon as I lay down in my bed,
The nightmares come back
And I’m left for dead.
A few pills might help
I think to myself.
But I know that I am lying.
They never really do.
I overdose from all the pain
I try to stop it another way.
I have scars on my arms
From all the times I’ve tried
To wash away all that pain
With just a little bit of blood.
My stomach’s a wreck
From all the pills
When I took too many
And all at one time.
And all the money
I have spend on cigarettes
Is no expense
To laugh at either.
I’ve tried too much
I’ve tried too hard
To forget what I lost
And forget what I love.
I washed away all of that pain.
But drowning it just wasn’t enough.
I try again and again and still,
It’s really there.
At this point in life,
I’ve almost given up.
I’m tired of hurt,
I’m tired of pain.
I try my best
To get through each day.
But getting through
Won’t be enough soon.
I have everyone to worry ‘bout,
But still, I’m kinda scared.
Afraid of what my happen,
If I wasn’t there.
What if all of my mistakes
Came back to haunt me.
What if all the pills I popped
Catch up to me
And make me drown?
What if all the blood I shed
Comes back to be infected?
What if all the pain I’ve suffered
Just gets worse and worse?
I know that it sounds childish
To really be this scared.
But somewhere deep inside me,
I’m still just really hurt.
I try my best not to let it show
Especially when I’m with friends,
But it’s when I’m alone
That you should be scared.
That’s when I think about the pills
And how great the feeling was.
To have an empty stomach
With all of them inside.
I start to remember how well it helped
To wash away all the pain
With just a few tiny drops of blood
And it really gets me wonderin’
Should I go and try again
To drown the whole world out
Or should I try and stay one more day
So my friends don’t worry about me.
I cry all night about my thoughts
I know that they are bad for me.
But I can’t stop thinking
How great it would be
If I wasn’t here to live another day.
How great it would feel
To finally be dead.
To not worry ‘bout drama
To not worry ‘bout pain.
I’d be an angel floating free
But my friends just keep reminding me
How I’m too young to leave this world.
I have a lot to do, and a lot to see.
And really, what would they really do
If they didn’t have me?
I start to think about all the good times
And all those lovely memories.
Then I know why I’m alive
And why I’m still standing here.
I know that I have made mistakes
To drowned out all my pain.
But I am not left on my own
I have them as they have me.
