Dear dad
To my lovely dad, how I would love to love you,
I am sorry dad for being mean,
I mean you showed me no love.
I keep false memories in my head that I see in soapies,
I lie to my friends painting a beautiful picture of you.
On fathers day I wrote you a wishing card,
How I crafted those words I wish that was the feeling in my heart,
I read it in class and cried because I know It’s a fantasy,
They applaud complimenting how much love I have for you,
I’m sorry dad I love you but my love hurts me,
I wish I could feel the love without the rage in my heart.
I wonder did you ever held me in your arms when I was young?
No, not now, was I ever at your hugs and kisses.
Even though you shout at me and call me names,
even though you order me to stretch my arms far apart,
can you say thank or you did well.
please tell me when I am doing wrong not after,
Tell the boys not to touch me instead of beating me,
Don’t allow my friends to stay if I will be in trouble for it,
Say something when I am confused,
Ask me why am I crying.
I smile when you do something right,
I cry when you are sick,
I miss you when you are not around.
I guess to admit I love you with pain
but I stand and stare back at your eyes and feel nothing,
I wish I coud love you
I want to love you even If you never showed me any.
(2015)
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