My Story
To...my "friends"
Why should I sit here as pretend
I guess I’m sparing your feelings
Because I want my life to end
But it’s only your opinion I’m hearing
I have put your feelings before mine
Because you’ve forced me too
I put mine aside
Because they seem to not matter to you
You said you need me
But for how long
Soon you’ll leave
As soon as you feel strong
All the power within me
Is gone towards building you up
But when I’m broken and beat
You don’t give a fuck...
...I can’t fix the world
But you expect me to fix yours
No matter how much I hurt
I’m still walked over like a floor
I’m your fucking door mat
And you use me often
But I’m okay with that
I’m used to that kind of treatment...
...you speak to me like I can’t understand
But you don’t know my life
How many times pills touched my hand
How many times my throats felt a knife
Do you know how it feels
To be only six years old
Sitting on porch in tears
A whole month before your mom is home
She bailed for a while
Since her and your dad fought
Work filled up his time
So he thought love could be bought
My brother disappeared
It was only me
Now I’m haunted with the fact
That everyone leaves...
...I’ve lost more friends to suicide
Than I can count
But I’d trade my life and die
Because I just want out
Every night is a struggle
Every day I seem to dread
My tears form a puddle
I’m scared of what’s inside my head
I’ve seen more things
Before I was 12
Than I should ever witness
Needles in my cousins arms
Abuse
Rape
The burning taste down my throat
A few pills to let go....
.....this isn’t even all of it
Not even half
But I can’t tell that much
So now kick back and laugh
Tell me that I’m worthless
That I won’t understand
While I squeeze the blade
That just made a cut on my hand...
....I’m not against being open
Or letting someone in
I’m physically unable
Until I think you’re safe
Don’t feel offended
Or hurt if I hide away
If you knew my whole life story
You’d know...
...no ones ever really stayed
And so now I stand here today
Before every single witness
Passing judgement
Without knowing my story
I stand here today
With my wounds open
Like they are fresh cuts
Bleeding out
And darkening every bruise
And I stand here today
With tears pooling from my eyes
Falling to my knees
Reaching a hand out
Hoping someone will reach out to me
I stand here today
And I stand alone
Facing every ounce
Every single comment
All the criticism
Given by simple minded imbeciles
Who don’t know my story
And don’t know me.
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