I am chained down, hopelessly watching her, unable to help her despite my overwhelming will to just reach out and touch her life, as I give up my struggle and watch the monster of indecision crawl out of her endless crevice of a confused and hurt mind, full of unreleased anguish that she detains, hurtful memories, she feeds it because it thrives on sanity until it makes you insane. Unbound and free yet unable to move, she tries to scream and let out all of the torturous confusion that keeps her from knowing what reality is, but It comes out as a quiet, gentle word of contentment… as she whispers lies under her breath, I can scarcely make out what she is saying, because she wont convey, she wont let me in, she wont put into words her countless, untold thoughts and memories that are screeching in her mind but silent on her face. She smiles even though she can see my rage.. as if to pacify me, though we are close we are indefinitely set apart, I try to gesture my concern, but fail miserably as I am constrained, I try to yell and express my care, but I have no words that would do my thoughts justice, I am not capable of actions that would benefit her… Coming to realize this, I am set free from my chains only to disappear from her sight and only to become a part of the monster of indecision and unreality, adding to it the pain of separation and loss, I am thought to be dead, I am finally a part of her mind and memories adding to the weight of her halted life, I got what I wanted– for her to let me in– I the monster of her mind crawl back into her head and close off  her memories of me as the person she made me up to be, and the non-existent person that disappointed her, a figment of her imagination as  she lays me to rest in her head.. please don’t remember me this way..