I don’t know if i can deal with my parents. They cry when i leave but yell at me when i am home. is that a mixed signal?i beg for forgiveness of what i have done.yet they still see me as a mess up. a mess up they wont let go but will not help. A mess up they give advice then drag down. they say i could take on the world by myself but i don’t think i can. not with out her. i would never ask of her to change her path because of my family problems. but i don’t know if i must leave. i can not deal with the yelling and downing of my father. making me feel bad for my mistakes from the past and turning my intentions back at me. She helped me through these problems of mine. and i cant take on this world without her. and i do not know how i would survive if it is under my own will. my mother talked to my grandfather and said i had much to learn. yet i have never been so focused in my life. i what i am going to do. so i ask to god and to whoever reads this what should i do? have been given guidance but not in the areas it is mostly needed and i am not getting it within this place i am supposed to call home. i lock myself in the vacant part of my heart where she used to set. hoping that this nightmare of not having anywhere to go as her smell lingers in my coat that warmth’s my body, and my soul.
I have nowhere to go with my mind. but then i ask my self. how long can these words on this page going to be ale to keep me afloat of the hell i am going through. because i am running out of strength in my heart to keep putting it down.