Barber, barber, come and get me;
Hairy torrents irk and fret me.
Hair and hair again appears;
And climbs like ivy round my ears.
Hair across my collar gambols;
Cuckoos lead Bohemian lives,
They fail as husbands and as wives…
Therefore they cynically disparage
Everybody else’s marriage.
A mighty creature is the germ,
Though smaller than a pachyderm.
His customary dwelling place
Is deep within the human race.
His childish pride he often please…
One way to be very happy is to be…
For then you can buy orchids by th…
And yet at the same time People d…
Because it’s very funny
But somehow if you’re rich enough…
In spite of her sniffle,
Some girls with a sniffle
Would be weepy and tiffle;
They would look awful,
My fellow man I do not care for.
I often ask me, What’s he there f…
The only answer I can find
Is, Reproduction of his kind.
If I’m supposed to swallow that,
Though you know it anyhow
Listen to me, darling, now,
Proving what I need not prove
How I know I love you, love.
Near and far, near and far,
Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens,
Bears have cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Song of the Open Road
I think that I shall never see
A billboard as lovely as a tree.
Perhaps unless the billboards fall…
I’ll never see a tree at all.
O all ye exorcizers come and exorc…
In fourteen hundred and ninety-two…
Someone sailed the ocean blue.
Somebody borrowed the fare in Spa…
For a business trip on the boundin…
And to prove to the people, by act…
Sure, deck your limbs in pants;
Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.
You look divine as you advance—
Have you seen yourself retreating?
Affection is a noble quality;
It leads to generosity and jollity…
But it also leads to breach of pro…
If you go around lavishing it on r…
He tells you when you’ve got on t…
And helps you with your girdle wh…
A bit of talcum
Is always walcum.