Tell me, O Octopus, I begs Is those things arms, or is they l… I marvel at thee, Octopus; If I were thou, I’d call me Us.

I give you now Professor Twist, A conscientious scientist, Trustees exclaimed, “He never bun… And sent him off to distant jungle… Camped on a tropic riverside,

One way to be very happy is to be… For then you can buy orchids by th… And yet at the same time People d… Because it’s very funny But somehow if you’re rich enough…

Behold the duck. It does not cluck. A cluck it lacks. It quacks. It is specially fond

Now another day is breaking, Sleep was sweet and so is waking. Dear Lord, I promised you last ni… Never again to sulk or fight. Such vows are easier to keep

In January everything freezes. We have two children. Both are sh… This is our January rule: One girl in bed, and one in school… In February the blizzard whirls.

For years we’ve had a little dog, Last year we acquired a big dog; He wasn’t big when we got him, He was littler than the dog we had… We thought our little dog would lo…

People live forever in Jacksonvil… But you don’t have to live forever… The entrance requirements for gram… You only have to live until your c… From that point on you start looki…

Who is the happy husband? Why, in… 'Tis he who’s useless in the time… Who, asked to unclasp a bracelet o… Contrives to be utterly futile, fu… Or when a zipper nips his loved on…

One would be in less danger From the wiles of a stranger If one’s own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.

The doctor gets you when you’re bo… The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly c… If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no car…

Song of the Open Road I think that I shall never see A billboard as lovely as a tree. Perhaps unless the billboards fall… I’ll never see a tree at all.

Nothing makes me sicker than liquor and candy is too expandy

There is something about a Martin… A tingle remarkably pleasant; A yellow, a mellow Martini; I wish I had one at present. There is something about a Martin…