Not a poem, a release, a revelation, a hope, a feeling
My whole life I have been afraid to go to work.
The very idea scared me to the core. Never saw it as something I could be capable of. Believing that, I was doomed for failure. Always seeing life as someone else’s to have and not for me to enjoy, or live or become. Till this day, going into work, thinking of work, and being at work gives me anxiety. How can I be the person that customers come for information, and insight into their problems? How can I be the one to tell them what is up, and what is down when I’ve never seen it for myself?
Knowing this is an issue I face, I thought up a couple of reasons as to why I felt this way. My whole life I have dumbed myself down, so people do not have high expectations of me. My logic behind this was if people do not expect of me they won’t be surprised when I fail. I’ll never fall hard because there was never a place to fall from. Making myself never be on anyone’s pedestal, I stood there letting other people succeed with my ideas.
Never in my life have I felt the need to change this reality. I do not want to be the girl anymore that has the phrase coined to her, “Oh what a ____ thing to do.” With no positive connotations towards the phrase, I’d sit there and laugh. Laughter, no more because I need to become the person that is capable because I am capable.