priceless pain

They say moments are priceless, but what about those moments with people you loose?
That shit sticks with you for ever, that pain stays.
And you know what, that pain is priceless. Who would want to pay for pain?
That feeling when you know they are off living their life with no regrets that they walked out of yours, and you have to live with that feeling. That someone can fucking leave you after everything, leave you with that pain. They gave you that shit for free, they took you for free too. Maybe you were “too much”. You know what fuck that, they weren’t enough.

But deep down you know the moments where you could’ve been better, done better, not said that one thing, did that other thing instead. You can see everything still, like their room or the day you first met. It lives in those areas you used to walk. You see their face in people as you walk through crowds. The cashier’s face morphs into yours and time stops. You haunt me everywhere I go. Yet you get to live with this weight off your shoulders and that weight was me, you are better off without me. But I get to live with that pain you handed over to me.

If I could let go, let go of the memories I hold dear or the pain, if I let go I loose every last bit of you that still remains alive. Those memories are so real so sensory how could I sell this pain, cuz if I sell it the last bit of you are gone.

What makes you so fucking special, that you get to live in my mind rent free? I didn’t mean to put you on a pedestal but you gave me an experience Ive never had before. You gave me something I never had before, and might never experience again. Waking up to you looking at me lovingly, I always knew you’d leave. You never want to stay anywhere too long, with anyone too long.

I do not want to know where you are now. I want to speak to you, but I don’t want to know you are doing well. I don’t care if you succeed. Id rather just not know. You never spoke to me again, so many days, so many nights. Every rejection I faced after you embodied you, you cursed me.

I bet you’ll talk shit about me to your next lover like you used to do with me. Tell me all who was before me, all the ones you escaped.

But maybe I am wrong, maybe you miss me. Maybe you are too cowardly to admit that you have regrets. I can only hope, that the pain you gave me for free still lays on your hands. You can’t get away evidence free.

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