The Dearly Departed

Mt. Carmel Funeral Home,
The final resting place for your loved ones,
In a mansion beside a murmuring brook,
With a tall iron gate at the entrance,
With ivy climbing up the stone walls,
The ideal place for the dearly departed.
You can call us at 1-800-555-5555.
For all maggot owners who lost their pets,
We sympathize with you for your loss.
We are in deep mourning with you.
Bring your dear deceased maggot to us
And we will make sure
To give it a proper funeral,
With only $19,999.99 down,
And $59.999.99 left to pay,
We have solid gold caskets,
A string orchestra to play,
The pope to perform the funeral service,
A Rolls Royce hearse to
Transport the casket to the cemetery,
A mausoleum covered in red roses,
A choir of 100 voices singing
While we usher in your loved one
To its final resting place.
Yes indeed, we are all maggot lovers.
Just like you, we mourn your loss
And want to give your pet the best
Burial service that we can.
For people who think that
Maggots don’t deserve a
Proper funeral such as this:
Screw them, those maggot haters,
Those too highfalutin to play with them,
Those no good unsympathetic stupid idiots,
Those low life scum bags, those etc. etc. etcs—.

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