Self- Indulgent Considerations
Normally,
This park bench is
My every day routine
And my evening news
I sit around and dissect humanity
I know you’d love me to say,
Over coffee
Maybe you’d settle with champagne
Sorry to say
I sit with my whiskey
As I verify my prior convictions
That humanity it a selfish entity
And we are all playing victim
To our own damn offense
That armed to the teeth
Is a saying that comes with feeling
As much as history
And they meant it for the wars
Of America
But I mean it
For psychological warfare
We got our sadists
And catatonics
And desperate affairs
Of the he said, she said
And the who really cares
And I dwell in my loathing
And drown in my whiskey turned more sour
Until it turns to Listerine
And eventually, I realize
I’m the worst human being
Because I allowed my hypocrisy
To overcome me while I
Observed you all as though I were above you
So I digress...
Then the memories take hold.
I go back to the youth I once, barely, possessed
I remember first sips of moonshine
And my first Ketamine sniff
I remember learning to walk
All over again
I wonder if anyone has ever
Had to learn to walk again
As many times as me
Then the pity catches up to the loathing
And the hatred still furies deep inside of me
Along with the heartburn from the rough stuff I’ve drank
And I look up from between my feet
The sun shines on the autumn leaves
They whip around through the air
Invisible winds reminding me of their presence
As they always tend to do
Whipping the branches around
And confusing all the dogs
Who play with the children
All falling along the ground
Except for one
Sitting in her wheelchair
No sorrow in her eyes
Her eyes are nothing like mine
They shine with a radiance
I once saw in a dream
She’s happy just observing
The innocence of things
She doesn’t know nor care of the politics
She doesn’t care about the ignorance
Fluttering coast to coast
She’s got now and it’s all she can be sure of
And now is beautiful
Maybe once there was envy inside of her
But she had to let it go
Like her, I think it’s time
I let my own damn envy go
This park bench was my sanctuary
But only while I was safe in my own abhorrence
I’m free now to the other side
The optimistic view
(2015)
