In the beginning the love was strong, the feelings were mutual and the sex was great. In the beginning our feelings coincided on a path towards success in future endeavors and away from powerful loss. In the beginning when she looked at me I felt wanted for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. And yet time marched forward, like soldiers march on a path to chaos. We fell in love, our hearts beating as if to a beat known only by us two. The laughs we shared were true expressions of joy untainted by the pain in our past. We shared a moment on the night of your prom where as we danced the people around us faded into the shadows leaving two people smiling and giddy. Yet even after that moment a beast lived within us, a demon that lashed out at our heart and tore it apart piece by irreparable piece.

    I felt as if my loving you was a mistake; one that I had promised myself to never make again because the cost of such an action outweighs all potential benefit. Wearing your heart on your sleeve allows everyone the chance to wound it; and yet even after being harmed by those locked in hate you still leave your arms open, hoping that someone will see that you are not a fool but a visionary. Someone who is strong enough to take a beating and still be able to stand up-scars and all– and say is that all you’ve got? I have so many scars. Yet each scar means something, each scar has a story and each scar while still present has healed over to some extent. I lose myself in a story concerning a crime of passion and smile. The smile is for the sanity the story brings me rather than the crimes committed in the throes of passion.

    I will miss you. You will cry over me. Because despite how the story started the way it ended is your primary focus. I love like I have never loved anyone before. I love because it is new and exciting, exhilarating even. But I am young, as are you. I have to find some others to be with before I can satisfactorily say I am ready to settle down and start a family. I have faith that you will do the same despite my status as your one and only, your reason to smile and your babyboy. This is who I was, who I am and who I will continue to be for always and forever.