As I look out at the world I don’t like what I see
Because my Heart has been tricked and deceived
I use to believe that this was a wonderful place
Yet now I’m imprisioned in such a small space
 
My heart was what I gave most of all
My kindness was used against me
If I had just been less giving and didn’t care
Perhaps my heart wouldn’t be broken beyond repair
 
I mourn that happy girl and give in to a lady who’s sad
Why would these people want to hurt me so bad?
I don’t need all these users who have treated me so wrong
I now see them as weak and I’ve become strong
 
One day I hope I will get past this and not be so bitter
I hear this little voice saying don’t give up your not a quitter
But don’t forget the lesson they’ve taught you so well
They will wish they had treated you better, when they are all in Hell!

(2014)

When I was going through a rough time I couldn't believe the people who I loved and was always there for, did nothing for me, not even a shoulder to cry on. My sister and my two brothers. Thank God for my younger son. He was there for me no matter what. They taught me a great lesson. Such a shame and at such a cost!

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Angel Lady (Sandi Guidotti)
almost 5 years

Thank You, I'll listen to that song. Believe me I have forgiven them and I have moved on. I wasn't good enough for them unless I was doing everything their way. Life shouldn't be that way. When your own brother tells you if he saw you laying in a ditch dying he would walk right over you because your scum of the earth! I have never been mean to anyone especially to him. I just wanted a relationship with my sister that didn't entail me being her slave. I sat her down and had written a 3 page letter but I read it to her and she had a copy. I could have mailed it but I wanted to talk one on one with "MY SISTER". It was a kind and loving letter telling her It would be so nice to call upon her at one point and know she'd be there for me. I just asked her to give me 50% of the 100% I have given to her since she was born. Her words, "I guess I have to go and do some thinking, I'll let you know." It will be 3 years that I've never heard back from her. We live 15 min away from each other. There is absolutely no excuse for this type of behavior. When the people who constantly give to others and never receive love in return, it truly hurts but it also let's me know it's not me. That's what I meant by it being their loss. I have done nothing wrong to any of these people but they sure have done wrong to me. God Bless, Sandi.

Sarah Connelly
almost 5 years

When I'm hurt or someone has treated me unjust, I usually listen to u2s when I look at the world. Sometimes we can't see for the smoke. I think what would God do, he would be furious if he loved someone for them to abuse it and refuse. Therefore he would no longer love them and love another. Someone who can receive love without trying. Sometimes by forgiving and moving forward can you not then feel free

Angel Lady (Sandi Guidotti)
over 5 years

Thanks. I do hang in there, I'm not a quitter. I like what you wrote about the heart, very good description of my venting. Maybe I will use your words instead of venting. Sounds a lot more positive. Again Thank You. Sandi.

Angel Lady (Sandi Guidotti)
over 5 years

Thanks Gee. Yes I do feel better but it's such a shame that it has to come to that. That's why I do write. I don't like calling people with my problems, so I try to vent with my poetry. It would be nice to write positive poetry, but hard to do when more of what I (We) go through is negative. But you are right, with my true friends , that's my positive. God Bless. Sandi.:)

Gee
over 5 years

Hopefully you'll feel a wee bit better for writing this,and with only "true"friends by your side the only way is up.Good luck.

Cory Garcia
over 5 years

Painful read... hang in there sister poet :)On a side note... the holes in ones heart are not meant to sink or deflate it but to air it out and let in some light... and that is exactly what you did here :)

Angel Lady (Sandi Guidotti)
over 5 years

Thanks Debra. Yes penning does help but for those that used me when all I did was give them love, I've forgiven them but I can't forget and I shouldn't have too. All those years of it always being my fault, when it's theirs and they can't take responsibility, I don't need that. I've moved on. The only 3 people that haven't used me are my younger son and my 2 grandchildren. I have my son, I just hope my grand kids come back to me one day and that will be the only family I will have. So sad. But that has been my Lesson. God Bless, Sandi.

Debra Romero
over 5 years

Sandi I know penning this helped you to a degree. However I hope your family comes back around for you one day. I feel the pain, hurt and disappointment in your write.

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