Time is money But time stops at the speed of lig… Which means the buck stops, too Making enlightenment the act of ta… For how you’ve spent your time

“Democracy is the worst form of go… Except for all those other forms t… Since all other forms involve deat… And democracy merely involves symb… But democracy has an illness

I may not be the man who has everything but I’m the man who knows what to get for the man who has everything

It’s always darkest before the yawn

I wear black socks On the outside Because black is how I feel In the onside

On a gray scale Of one to ten I’m a perfect five

The most radical act has become One that gives you meaning Without getting you attention Not because we don’t need one anot… We all do–

In my third marriage I went all in on being present in the moment When she left she said that being with me

Every ego is a God complex And like you I almost had myself convinced that I am who I am

When it happens We can’t help but ask What is déjà vu? Since déjà vu destabilizes all of… Which boil down to

You can’t call timeout in soccer But you can fake an injury You can’t call timeout in life But you can fake yourself out By believing you’ve faked us all o…

The internet wants to tell you a l… Instead, let me tell you a secret: After the Holocaust Antisemitism was buried just deep… That it came to seem an anachronis…

Everybody talks about the lack of movies for grown-ups but no one mentions the absence of grown-ups Of course, without grown-ups

We have achieved the classless society: eve– rything is tacky

When I was a kid the rule was one kid got to pour two glasses of Coke and the other kid