Looking back on college it’s unclear if I was a party animal party mineral or party vegetable

The old saying– It’s better to have one and not ne… Than to need one and not have it– Comes from the fact that Everyone has what they need

Physically unscathed after a life of piracy he was forced to lean heavily on his emotional scarring

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

When hell freezes over we’ll all skate on our sins

Let good intentions be my sword and naivete my shield

There is only one product but infinite ways to package it

In the official version of my life I love my life In real life I love life itself

It’s come to my attention that My attention span is limited By what I want to see And like most people these days I don’t know what I want

The discomfort that Americans now all evince in one another used to be reserved for old people who get rich quick

In France everyone thinks Scotch tape is crap

You know a civilization by its ass… and ours assumes a great deal of d… To finance that debt we assume that the best predictor of future… is past behavior

Because it’s so hellacious transmuting lead into gold the people pleaser finds it heavenly to degrade gold into lead

In a real life version of the ugly duckling discovering s… I was the reject popsicle stick who at long last found out I was a handy tongue depressor

I’ve never won an argument with my wife but since I learned to let her have the last word I’ve consistently covered the spre…