Hell is having infinite wishes but using them all to wish for infinite wishes Heaven is having infinite wishes but only needing

Higher education purports to prepare you for life when really it exists to indebt you for life, expanding campus ideology

Self-flattery will get you everywhere but there’s nowhere left to go

I can never remember street names navigating strictly by landmarks taking left turns just past abandoned doughnut shops impugning me to keep my marriage

I never really knew what postmodern meant until I moved to the internet when from time to time

If you travel through time it’s always the best of times and the worst of times; it’s just the ratio

Unlike the Americans and the Engl… who are divided by a common langua… the Americans and the Parisians are divided by a common symptom: disappointment

The distance between zero and one is infinitely greater than the distance between one and infinity

I asked ChatGPT to tell me what I was thinking and it said You’re thinking I once was lost

When I run out of things to do I write an itinerary: When all else fails fill sandbags to convert

The pleasure in a magic show is wondering how the magician did it

Brexit is a fantasy that a people who previously sat astride a global empire can now sit apart from globalizati… when in reality

They put a circle at dead ends so you can either live there or turn back but we just keep

In failing to put the I in team I took the erotic out of neurotic

The crucial moment in my elevator pitch comes when I hit the emergency stop button