We went from wearing galoshes over… to wearing galoshes over our shoes… to wearing galoshes as shoes and now we wear galoshes over galo…

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

And so I wake in the morning and I stay inside and I take a deep breath and I let out a sigh and I stream from the top of my ru…

Your life, like everyone else’s will eventually accept death’s pro… and maybe it’s because from the moment you were born death has been saying yes to life

If you want to predict the future determine what is most taken for g… and imagine a world without it I predict a future where words will be replaced

My favorite plot twists have always been quicksand and amnesia but I have this sinking feeling I’m forgetting something

Time tells a story and linear time is a plot device we’ve made up, call it a time machine, to advance the plot

The distance between zero and one is infinitely greater than the distance between one and infinity

All opinions are wrong but you can only learn from your own mistakes

The rug saves its harshest critique for the carpet

When Eddie Money said “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” he didn’t mention that the paradise sales team only sells tickets in pairs

If you need to appear weak to access power you’ll end up weak-kneed and abuse your power

Inasmuch as handling gold is always a thorny affair all gold is rose gold but black gold

People thought they could finally come and go as they pleased if they could just be rid of the g… only to find in their absence not just more and bigger gates

Growing up was hard enough when we just had cliques not today’s clicks upon cliques