If you make the mistake of believi… there’s no room for error the surest way to avoid making ano… is to keep making the same mistake
Nobody grows up wanting to be a mot– ivational speaker
Mid-life crisis: the failure to start hoping you don’t get what you want
In school they put me in the gifted class but as one of my favorite teachers finally put it “There’s just something missing”
American Express changed its slog… “Don’t leave home without it” to “Don’t live life without it” in acknowledgement that
We spend most of our waking lives alternating between procrastinatio… and delayed gratification as if by putting things off we’ve bought ourselves more time
Jews learned to read between the l… when time and again they were granted a lifetime membe… only to find that their membership could still be lapsed
In the new version of Heads I win, tails you lose People hate to be wrong But love to apologize And if you accept their apology
I try to imagine what it was like for my wife when two lines meant positive and the closest I get is when
Instead of a Che Guevara t-shirt I have a Carol Burnett henley
We can all agree that life is the number one cause of death But no one wants to admit that death is the only cause of ne… Nevertheless, we love our children
Everyone wants to drive a wedge between the monotheists and the Da… when the only real difference is that the former believe this land was made for you and me
We rent an apartment so my wife told me that technicall… I am the interim king of my own ca…
You’ll know you’ve weathered their gaslighting if you feel dazed but not confused
We’ve gone from individuals distinguishing themselves from the… begging to differ– “Whatever it is, I’m against it”- to groups
