Happiness is the moment after the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulders and before it lands on your toe
Smile and the whole world smiles with yo… Laugh and the whole world smiles with yo… Cry
When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped
They weren’t allowed to forcibly i… but in 2032 the Supreme Court app… for those who refused In a stroke of luck I was assigne… to the “Canadian” tar sands
Self-flattery will get you everywhere but there’s nowhere left to go
Hell isn’t other people– Hell is waiting in line behind other people
When I was a child The most authoritarian teacher Exerted her control through Silent lunch Yesterday, in the cafeteria
When we were kids we liked to spell Mississippi out loud for fun but we never pronounced the S’s–
When words fail you’re getting close to the truth But we’re just about to talk ourselves into
You can’t study for the purity test but you can copy from your neighbor
When we imagine the future, we say One day Because One day is the name of a day As in New Year’s Day
The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them
The first half of life: Did I say that? The second half of life: I did say that The end of life:
I’ve started blind copying my wife on emails to myself
Language shouldn’t work A word, all words Are defined by other words Defined by still further words And on and on
