Having heard that God is everywhe… and failing to see Him anywhere the unbeliever deduces that God is neither here nor there when, in fact, God is in the air

The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…

Most people can get away with sweeping a few things under the ru… but when I started working at the… I couldn’t help noticing how the rugs looked like

1. Make so much money you could he… 2. Remind yourself that “there’s n… 3. Tell yourself you need to feed… 4. Eat like kings

Mid-life crisis: the failure to start hoping you don’t get what you want

God gave us creation and said Help yourself and so, we plundered it realizing too late that the only way

Human beings need to compete for what they want To ruin human beings try meeting their needs

Like Ikea fur– niture, I am difficult to put together

Like a fine wine liberalism only rises to the subli… with a good pairing

LL Cool J can’t live without his radio For me, it’s my patio

Hunting on your own might make you a lone wolf but thinking for yourself makes you a lone ant

If you cut off an arm you are left with a stump to which you affix a prosthetic If you cut off a face you are left with a mask

The quartermaster is responsible f… and nothing more Some of you will be content to half-ass the rest of it Some of you will be willing to ris…

In days gone by we said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink In these more opportune times it’s widely understood that

While I was waiting for them to come to their senses they came to my house