Secure in my authenticity I thought I’d avoided that trap which had ensnared so many of my g… the safety of ironic distance– until I realized that

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

Time marches on and for mere mortals it marches to the beat of its own… which is how we got rhythm But the immortals found

As the world closed in the Pollyanna sought safety in numbers only to find herself taking a number

God said satis– faction guaranteed; religion is all the fine print

We flatter ourselves that the prog… man vs. nature to man vs. man culminates in

Civilization began When the sons killed the father And substituted the name-of-the-fa… Civilization is ending Now that we’ve killed off the name…

Life is simple; the meaning of life is complicated As a man I’m a simple creature but I’ve been married long enough… that women are complicated

We’ve got enough to go on That there’s enough for everybody So long as we are tough enough But we couldn’t leave well enough… And soon enough

By hook or by crook I do it all by the book

The screen you’re looking at seven hours a day is actually a magnifying glass

It’s always darkest before the yawn

The quartermaster is responsible f… and nothing more Some of you will be content to half-ass the rest of it Some of you will be willing to ris…