FreeTalk 2
As I show my dependence we grow further apart, as I show my independence we grow further apart. After seeing the blog I’ve use ways I’ve used in the past to secure myself. I tried giving her the power to secure me and she took advantage and insulted me. Now I secure myself and it causes more problems. There’s no way I can satusfy her and I be satisfied as well. The connection is no longer there, the sexual tension isn’t there, and the love is left to fight through it all. I am so sexually frustrated but as more things happened and I found out more sneaky things said and done behind my back, the level of sexual, emotional & physical attraction decreases. I don’t think I can have passionate intimate sex or make love with her anymore. It makes me feel too exposed and vulnerable. I’d rather fuck aggressively. I have uncontrollable thoughts that I hope don’t lead to actions. I’ve been patiently fighting for this relationship that I’m becoming exhausted. I want to work but I don’t want to force her or me into “settling”. After seeing the comment about settling on the blog, it made me do some self evaluating. I realized I treat her better than I’ve ever treated anyone and better than anyone has ever treated her, so there no way she could be settling. Maybe she wants more freedom and adventure but doesn’t realize what she need, she will only get being single. Or maybe she need to be with someone who wants the same and they’ll be happily ever after. I use to couldn’t stomach the thought of her with someone else but I’m coming to accept it if we ever get to that point. I hate feeling like I’m holding someone back or stopping them from being themselves. Hopefully the love is strong enough to pull us through because the trust, loyalty and respect been gone.
#Venting #Therapy
