GROWN UP?
The life I had was awesome but it’s time to grow and change
Life never stops going while sending new and different pains
As I look out at my family, I see everyone playing so happily
Why can’t I harness the energy inside to be how I wanna be?
Free of pain and stress at work! I’m 26, what happened to 18?
That younger me has now deceased and changed completely
Remembering when I had parents to love and ask for anything
I wasn’t responsible as long as I had them to be there for me
And I remember walks with my dad, telling me to act my age
And I’d kind of just look at him as if he was really damn strange
But know I see what I wanted for me! My mind is rearranged
The little boy beside my dad grew up with sick rebellious rage
It’s still me or is it? Have me and myself began to separate?
Fuck!! What have I done?? I grew up too fast for me to take
As I look into the eyes of my kid, I see me smiling back at ME!
She knows I’m daddy, a man who in her eyes is everything!
And then I cry and turn away, I’m sad to say, I can’t take pain
I used to let everyone down, I turn around and look back again
She’s still there smiling, loving me, beaming with such delight!
I smile and think of my dad! The wisdom he had! He was right!
So why did I wanna fight? I was young and dumb and stupid!
I didn’t give a shit about love and family’s! Not babies or cupid!
Why am I so scared to be a father? Why bother? I know I can!
Why give up and run away? Why not take time to be a man?
Issues take and devour my heart as I decide to remain a dad!
Something ain’t working! I’m hurting! Loving this way is mad!
But I’m able to look at Raven and say “I love you, always will”
If anyone tries to come between us I’m ready to fucking kill!
I may not be ready to grow up but I realize that I need to now!
For the sake of my family, God damn me! Strike my ass down!
I don’t deserve these blessings or this new gift that is my child!
I’m a fast and loud, rock ‘em sock ’em motherfucker gone wild!
Why would anyone consider me a good parent cuz I don’t care!
I wanna live and learn! Crash and burn! As if I wasn’t scared
I’ll love without hurting and I’ll also love without hesitation!
My father always said “Love the journey, not the destination!”
**
Adam Koss/ September 24. 2013
