I'm Looking For A Reason
I did believe you loved me
in your heart I had a place
but, this morning you are blameless
and I see your other face
there is no guilt upon you
untouchable and proud
you tried me in a public court
and threw me to the crowd
you revel in the glory
of my misery complete
your satisfaction total
at my desolate defeat
my insignificance you’ve proven
and announced to all my friends
regardless of my anguish
your actions get your ends
you’ve take all that I’ve become
and left me but a shell
now you sit on outer edge
admiring my hell
my pain is of no consequence
my worthlessness a fact
you’ve proven this to everyone
your innocence intact
and that is all that matters
acquittal you’ve acheived
you cannot be responsible
I will not be believed
my friends they do not answer me
and it must warm your heart
you get to see me suffer
while from me they depart
you claim my friends they love me
no wedges have you driven
but how do I distinguish
with the lies that you have given
you see me as a burden
for which you cannot feel
you think I got what I deserved
each dagger coldest steel
all these years together
and respect I do not rate
a nuisance when I will not bend
so I have earned your hate
I have no right to self
you cannot let that be
and just as unimportant
is the pain you caused for me
what is left between us
I’m trying to discern
that I have no value
is a lesson hard to learn
for now I’m here and staying
but with each day anew
I’m looking for a reason
to give my heart to you
written during what was, to date, the darkest time in my life. I was forced to accept that people, regardless of their intelligence or awareness, can be such cowards in life. I am not sure how some people even live with themselves. But I now know that everything is a stepping stone toward a better life
