And There Is Pain
You cut me very deep
will the bleeding ever end
You call me your partner
and betray me for a friend
you knew that I was hurting
you knew I was confused
the truth that you were skirting
was relief I could have used
you justify your actions
as love for someone other
and while I cried in anguish
you didn’t even bother
you say now you understand
but you said that before
then you made me a victim
an act that I abhor
you won’t admit that you defied
the core of our embrace
and all the lies you told me
our partnership disgrace
you act as if it’s over
I should just recover
I don’t know what to trust
if I can’t trust my lover
and there is pain I’ve never known
abundant in my soul
and you pretend you shouldn’t try
to somehow make me whole
you looked into my eyes
and deceived me every day
you took my trust and faith in you
and threw it all away
and there is pain in all I am
I wanted you to love me
but you stepped on my heart
and put someone else above me
and while I try to understand
why you would turn on me
you make no effort to relieve
the pain that you set free
in my mind I want to hate you
for tearing me apart
for your selfish cold deception
but, I love you in my heart
and there is pain in this confliction
for I now know your hate
why then did you let me love you
why wait until this late
why didn’t you just leave me
for that I could have swallowed
but, to know you could helped me
while in purest pain I wallowed
and to know you knew you hurt me
and were content to see it play
how will I ever trust again
what you can throw away
and there is pain too great to reconcile
if I am to bare it on my own
what I need is dedication
as to others you have shown
and there is pain in darkest places
that only you have been
and there is pain to block advances
so you won’t do that again
and there is pain to keep me steady
while my partner stands aside
and there is pain to keep me mindful
of how easily you hide
and I love you soo completely
so the pain is absolute
that you would watch me agonize
and never once refute
you gave me every reason
to turn my back and run
you denied the game you played
and watched the damage done
and now you make no effort
though you played your part
to restore the trust you’ve broken
and ease my wounded heart
(2004)
written during what was, to date, the darkest time in my life. I was forced to accept that people, regardless of their intelligence or awareness, can be such cowards in life. I am not sure how some people even live with themselves. But I now know that everything is a stepping stone toward a better life
