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PARISH NEWS

Great alarm has been caused at the railway junction by an invasion of thousands of rats, which entered the town from the surrounding plains and are dying everywhere.
One householder alone swept out forty rats from his dwelling.
The Government laboratories announced that it is virtually certain that the rats are dying of plague, though final tests are still being made.
Travellers reported passing through great droves of the rodents, numbering countless thousands, over a wide area. A collier returning home found two rats each with the end of a piece of straw in its mouth. He threw a piece of wood he was carrying and killed one rat. The other rat did not move. On going closer, the collier found that the live rat was without eyes, and was being led by the other by means of the straw.
Many hundreds of boys are now perched in trees, some declaring their intention not to descend until winter. A number of boys have injured themselves falling from boughs, but the local authorities have been unable to stamp it out by making by-laws against it. An Englishwoman, Mrs Annie Chester, who has been spending a holiday here was seen by the villagers taking photographs and making sketches, and they immediately denounced her as a witch, declaring that she wanted to bewitch their children.
She was attacked with sticks and stones, and fled, but was pursued, and unmercifully beaten.. just outside the village she fell, exhausted and was taken to hospital by the police.
On Sunday during the storm a thunderbolt crashed through the church roof, scattering a shower of debris on the congregation. The abbot was exhorting the people to calm when a lightning flash seared his left cheek and eye, and tore his vestments to ribbons, burning his clothing to the skin. The venerable preacher thus struck down in the pulpit was borne away in a dying condition. Sadly, in the flock there  was one  fatality. Daft Bob whose identity has been a mystery for years, wandered into the village 10 years ago and was struck by a stroke of apoplexy. He  was picked up by a policeman; but it was found he had been struck deaf and dumb. A stranger to the locality, he could neither read nor write, and his identity has never been established.
Many hereabouts have, for many years held the belief that he was the Facetious Ghost. The ghost whose antics have disturbed the village for many years, crowned his misdeeds when he struck the sedate policeman right in the eye with a half-pound of butter. This has driven the good ladyfolk of the parish to follow his teachings and have destroyed their jewelry and finer belongings, including much of their clothing, believing it to be wicked to keep more than is necessary for immediate use. Shopkeepers, under the influence of this mania, have thrown their stocks of tobacco and cigars into the streets. Dogs and cats have been sacrificed with solemn functions, and Mrs Beal attempted to kill her baby, saying “god tells me to kill the child”.
The rest of the village have been abstaining from food for days; and at other times giving themselves over to orgies. An illiterate Eskimo was doomed to death for the sacrilege of looking at a bible. “he was doing nothing when I saw him” said a police– man “and as I thought that was unsatisfactory I took him into custody”. When his pockets were turned out a blood-stained note was found which contained these words: “we do not need money, for we are worth over 30,000 francs. We have good health and a wonderful future before us, but we prefer to die now because we are the happiest people in the world. We adore each other, but we would rather descend into the grave together while we are still happy”.
When questioned the eskimo was found to be dead.

every line of this was gleaned from 1920's newspapers

Other works by John Soltys...



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