When I Go
When I go you will know it
I won’t leave a note cause I won’t have to
I’ll be standing right in front of you
Holding my heart out to you
To smash it on the floor
To slam in a door
Then I’ll scream, “To hell with you!”
I won’t know you anymore.
My body will still be standing there
You’ll be yelling but I won’t care
It’s an emotional detachment
Just a fragment left of me
You won’t see my eyes and notice they’ve changed color
They’ve gone from blue to clear—what a wonder to discover
Better yet, there’s not a tear.
When I stop loving you you’ll know it
I’d like to think you’d care, but you probably won’t
I’ll pack up all my love and hate
And everything between and slam the gate
Behind me I’m moving on
And somewhere down the line I’ll come across a photograph
Think of how we used to smile and laugh and
Toast you with a shot of Jack and fresh-lit match and watch you burn
Cause, dear Lord, you should have learned by now
That I can only go so far
“We all have breaking points” you’re so quick to point out
When you’ve done wrong
But I could never get off on that escape
You seem to think my tolerance is indefinite
Like the parallel lines of tear streaks down my face.
When I"m empty you’ll know it
You won’t need a red gauge to show it
I’ll be the ragdoll in the corner who cared far too much
I’ll be the pillow on the sofa that’s been worn thin
From abstract touch
And you won’t regret it.
No, cause wasn’t it you who said it?
You always said that I would be okay
If I could just learn how to love.
(2002)
