I sit here upset over worries of her health. I don’t really care what happens to me at this point. I just want her to be happy but I keep messing things up for her. She was perfect until she met me. The great friends, grades, thoughts, ideas of where she is wishing to go in life. I know I love her but it seems I just keep putting her through hell. It kills me to know that it is a mutual feeling between me and her but it seems I am a bigger anchor on the coast line. I seem to be prone to ruining the only thing I ever dreamed of having. I am venting not out of self-pity but out of worriedness. Honesty is a virtue I have begun to lose sight of. I am weak tonight but I hope to be stronger tomorrow. When you hit bottom the only way there really is to go is up. But have I hit bottom? Or do I have more shit to put myself through? I have so many questions I need answered but nobody to answer them. I worship and ask god of what I am doing wrong. But I am still completely lost without a clue of what to do with myself and my life. I had someone tell me that if you take care of you needs your wants will take care of themselves. I thought I understood it and I think I still do. I just think the people around me are mixing my necessities up with my wants. I do not want her. I do not think I need her. I do not hope for. I need her. And if I am not able to have her I understand I brought all of this upon my self and the one I cared about and needed. But I do not know how long I can go on without the need.
I do not really expect anybody to read this but hey poetry is written out of thoughts and emotion. might aswell express them.