chasing summer days

The sun is beating down on the city,
and its closer than ever before.
Everyone seems to be getting up,
and chasing the heat.
Absorbing it with what little time,
we have left with it.
I’ve been trying to keep up,
but lately I’ve felt defeated.
The sun doesn’t hit my skin,
the way I’d like it too.
I’ve been chasing whatever
I can, but I feel exhausted.
Last night I lay in bed
alone to sleep off this feeling.
Like I can’t keep up,
no matter how hard I try.
I feel a step behind.
I feel my inner child,
screaming that they
just want to be invited.
To be acknowledged,
to be seen to be heard
to be understood.
To be apart of something,
more than this coffee and laptop.
To stop searching and to find.
I want to support and not
be jealous, I hate this
feeling inside of me.
I feel myself aging.
Shedding the skin of my old self.
Of course you will like the new
people you meet more than me.
They will know you for the person
you want to be now.
They won’t hold any memories
from your past self.
They will hold no resentment.
They will see you for
the person you want to be.
I guess I failed at that didn’t I?
Who am I– aside from you.
You used to bring me around
often didn’t you?
I chase the same sunset
that gives everyone
energy– but that same
sun that makes me sick.
Makes me skin boil,
and reminds me of
the old days.

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