Why is it always the people you trust the most, who let you fall the hardest? A question I have not been able to answer yet, but one day hope to. I have lost so much in this life, but still I move on. Slow and steady, day by day. I take what I can, and leave the rest for tomorrow. Before, even during hard times, there was always someone there who was my family. But now I feel alone. They felt this way too, and I never truly understood what they meant, but now I feel like a piece if me is missing. I feel alone in this world. I know people around me say that I am not alone and that people love me, but knowing something and feeling something are two totally different things. I do the best I can with the situation I was given, but I feel like I could fall apart at anytime. I am always scared except when distracted. Others say that I am highly in tune with myself for my age, but my mind races miles ahead of me. I don’t think I will ever catch it. I don’t feel like I know myself at all. I feel lost. I know where I am physically, but my heart and soul are off somewhere. My mind stayed, racing ahead, just to torture my already sad life. This might seem depressing, but I heard from a friend once that it is better to let it out then keep it in. That is the problem with my family. We keep the emotions inside. Boiling up until they bubble over and we do something we regret. A rash decision. To hurt others, when in the end they are not the only ones that are hurt. To hurt them, we sacrifice ourselves to suffer the consequences. The hatred from others around us, consumes our being and it rots us, from the inside, out. The solitude that we take upon ourselves over come our mind and heart when that is the only thing in your life. Being alone. I never knew this feeling until now. To be surrounded by people, but feel truly alone. To be “hated” by the one you cared about for so long, is a stab to the heart. And the more you have done for them, and the more hurtful things they say, just pushes the dagger in deeper. When you finally believe the words they say, the dagger in your heart is twisted. Excruciating pain envelops your body. You bleed out all your emotions and thoughts until all that is left is an unhuman being. No soul, no emotions. Numb to the world around and the only thing left to keep that unhuman, skeletal like being, is the aloneness. It consumes every part of your being and leaves you feeling empty at times, and like you are being held down by weights at others. I never knew this pain, but now that I do, I can slowly understand what my family was feeling. I am not like them, and I never wish to be, but knowing this feeling and getting through it, is the best, and only option I can do right now in my opinion. Either that or fall apart and shrivel away to nothing, but I wish not to be nothing. Because I want to be someone, something. I need to. Maybe when I find the answer to my first question(go back to sentence 1) then I will be able to understand and overcome this truly alone feeling. Who knows? Maybe I will never find the answer or understand, but the only thing I can do is my best to climb over this mountain in my life, and move on to look for the answer to my questions. Maybe then, I will finally be at peace.