Day by day, my health gets worse, and I can’t help but start and think to myself, “Am I dying?” It sounds stupid, but when you feel like your body is drenched in ice water, with daggers in your stomach and adrenaline pumping through your heart, you have to wonder. You have to wonder especially when this has been happening for months. At such a young age, I wish these thoughts were never considered by my brain. I wish my life were simpler, but I guess in the past, I chose the wrong path. Then again, I can’t help but think that maybe I just have to feel this pain, maybe I just have to get through this period in my life to emerge on the other side smiling and walking up right. I try to think like that, but when I feel like dying, it’s hard to distinguish reality from fantasy. And right now, I can’t tell whether the bright future in my head is my reality, or is it just a fantasy my dying brain has concocted to help me cope and understand? All these thoughts run through my head and I don’t know which to believe. I don’t know which to let other people know or which to keep to myself. What would others think? What would they do? Would they try and help, or just walk out and leave me alone? Lifeless, waiting to die. These thoughts scare me, and I’m alone so much, that all I’m left with are my thoughts. Am I going crazy? I don’t know. Can I stop it? I don’t know that either. I just want the thoughts to stop. Or to correct myself the bad ones, but I guess, or I know, that those bad thoughts will never leave. Guess I just have to learn to except this small death that I feel I’m living, and see where the next life takes me.