Days
The clouds swirl around my head
And drizzle into my eyes
Sometimes I wish I wept blood
That the whites burst into flame
Staggering back from wherever I was
Going nowhere at all
I’ll make plans and effort but
All I do is spin in a hamster wheel
My red carpet is littered with insects
Garbage and poor choices
And when I step on them the crunch
Surges right up through me and I cringe
Everything I see is through an aged yellow lens
And it smears and fogs and drips
Nothing is as vivid as I’d hoped it would be
Time passes so slowly
I watch it all fall apart. That’s my purpose
To bear witness to the fading of everything
Except myself. I try to fade with it. Like wiping grease... I just smudge
The future is such a disappointing idea
Even though I play along and I pretend
I’ll be sophisticated and adventurous
And I’ll grow immeasurably.
Six ibuprofens a day and ignoring
The rising and setting of the Sun
And replaying fights and duties
I just live to sleep
I live for gloomy days and for monsters
I live for autumn and inappropriate laughter.
I live and scrape at myself trying to be more numb
I live in drips and seconds and sighs
(2014)
