Let Go
Picking at scabs that itch
Screaming just under the surface
Pleading for oxygen
For the chance to bleed again
Poking open wounds
Just to make sure they still hurt
Because you need that twinge of pain
To reassure you that not now and not ever will you escape
Wearing a line into the carpet
From pacing and walking only two ways
Never looking at the walls or the floors
Only ever the inside of your own brain
Believing in nothing. Except habit
Trading a good habit for a bad habit because it doesn’t matter anyway
Seeking out New bad habits
You have no patience or understanding
No tolerance anymore
No fight or drive or defiance
There is only chaos
And you want to jump into it like crowd surfing
And be carried anywhere by the waves
Of hands and sweat and have no control
just let go and be driven away
Holding on is the most painful part
You always feel abject relief when you let go
Just detach and render it all as meaningless
As you are. As you Will always be
Just laugh it all away. Even if it isn’t funny
Ball it up. Sink it down.
And when you can breathe... throw it
And laugh while you watch your pain fly
Because it’s so godamn hilarious.
(2014)
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