Life is simple; the meaning of life is complicated As a man I’m a simple creature but I’ve been married long enough… that women are complicated

My matchmaker couldn’t find me any… but she suggested I go to the bing… and focus on the woman who played the most cards per game

I am a minimalist if only because it requires minimal effort

The worst-case scenario comes true when enough people believe it’s the best case scenario

Google Glass never took because smart phones are a prosthetic for the hands not the eyes

Before the culture war you could talk to someone anyone say what you think and, when necessary, append a

We all need to belong somewhere So, we formed online communities And found ourselves belonging nowh… Where once A multitude of One

It’s a lot easier for men to dwell in the mystery of what a woman wants than to acknowledge what it is exactly that

I was always being reassured that I was in the circle of trust but kept in the dark as to my place in it

Hell isn’t other people– Hell is waiting in line behind other people

The soul is an appendix made of wo… and while plenty of people function perfectly well without on… much like the physical appendix– which stores good bacteria

If you feel like you’ve been getting away with something you’ve probably been cheating yourself

If you want to remain married one partner should stay busy moving the goalposts while the other focuses on running out the clock

When I die I’m go– ing to donate my body to pseudoscience