Growing up was hard enough when we just had cliques not today’s clicks upon cliques
Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened
Hook-up apps have given intimacy all the allure of an oil change
If you don’t believe I’m the Led Zeppelin of poetry just wait ‘til you see my poems go over like a lead balloon
You wanted them all to yourself because they didn’t want anything to do with you and this is the sound of
Privacy is when everyone can see you but no one is watching Surveillance is when no one can see you
Tech’s greatest feat is maintaining the illusion that we’re finally rid of the middle man when in fact
In a twist in hell there are no consequences
As the enormous asteroid hurtled toward Earth I found myself working harder than ever
As social animals the central question of our lives asked and answered answered and asked day upon day
Faced with a forced choice The agnostic feigns ignorance For if you ask a woman to marry yo… And she says I don’t know
Everybody talks about the lack of movies for grown-ups but no one mentions the absence of grown-ups Of course, without grown-ups
When you move fast and break thing… broken things can’t move dividing us into those who can’t move and those who are unmoved
Everyone has a gift in life and mine is knowing exactly how much I can bid in a silent auction without winning
Having heard that God is everywhe… and failing to see Him anywhere the unbeliever deduces that God is neither here nor there when, in fact, God is in the air