God: Do you trust me? Me: It’s not my fault!

I know a guy who knows Paul Simon who told me the real reason for th… was that Paul got sick of Garfunk… stalling for thyme

People are afraid of change so they change with the times

There are no endings neither happy nor sad– Does this make you happy or sad? I pretend to answer the question by preferring songs that end

God’s command to cells was slightly different: be fruitful and divide

Get back! Problem is The internet will still be there w… Get back

I trusted the process It wrought processed food I’m still processing

It’s not about you; It’s about me– This is how you know She’s breaking up with you It’s not about you;

In showing us what darkness looks… fog is equal and opposite to stars lighting up the night sky

Instead of a Che Guevara t-shirt I have a Carol Burnett henley

It’s horrifying when two parties have a suicide pact but it’s exponentially worse that the far right and far left

Our surveillance state is uniquely American in that it is of the people by the people and for the people

Our big mistake is thinking a leap of faith is a tandem parachute jump where God pulls the parachute and you float gently down

Knowing that everyone agrees you remind them of indoor furniture on the porch tells you nothing about what each of them thinks of you

A mid-life crisis happens when you realize that life is a treadmill which keeps speeding up until you fall off