As the new Assistant to the Deput… your primary initial responsibilit… 1) Establishing détente between wo… and paleo dietary restriction fact… while maintaining the dining hall’…

When I picked candy apples as my… (think spirit animals for foodies) I honestly had no idea I was naturally sweet but laid it on way too thick

Catwoman shamed Batman into getting out of the Batmobile… by telling him it was just like ec…

I’ll give you the forest And I’ll take the trees You save the whales And I’ll keep the bees The sand in your eyes

I trusted the process It wrought processed food I’m still processing

In days gone by we said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink In these more opportune times it’s widely understood that

The lower classes are those people who are not allowed to compete To feel good about perpetuating th…

It always comes down to what is most important to you and what is most important to you is not knowing what is most import…

You can’t watch sports these days… Father Time is undefeated Which is when I always quote Saul… “Vait a minute. Vat about Rocky…

Were I not happily married to my Jewish bride I would have happily lived out the rest of my days none the wiser

Before I met you the happiest I’d ever been was when everything I’d ever wante… was on lay-away because I didn’t have to make any…

At the end of life you can either say I brought it or I bought it

Our task is never-ending And our time is limited This is a major source of complain… But consider the opposite possibil… Our work here is done

When we poll people about what the weather in heaven is like the most popular answer perhaps not surprisingly is like a cold day in hell

Being human beings Pacifists are just as obsessed With wielding power As everybody else And just as pathological as those