Told to shut my mouth I took them literally Zipped my lips And held my breath Until I could stomach it no longe…

The new Speech Code prohibits use of the phrase “Speak for yourself” due to its aggressive tone and threatening connotations

Now that I’m wearing a mask I find myself telling strangers everything

In a post-pandemic bid to remain relevant the SATs have removed all true/false questions in acknowledgment that such questi…

The ontological proof tells us It is impossible to doubt God– Any such doubt is proof That we just need to think bigger This much is uncontroversial

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

Why bother keeping score when death assures that things always end in a tie Soon you’ll be able to get rid of death

Because I never learned anything… I learned the hard way that it’s the only way to learn anything at all

The best way to control somebody Is to divide the mind from the bod… Because the body is where the soul…

Like the distended sleeve On the fake Gordon Gartrell Denise made for Theo A giraffe’s long neck Reveals it as

When we imagine the future, we say One day Because One day is the name of a day As in New Year’s Day

When the doyennes of progressive a… “From the river to the sea is an a… human rights, and peaceful coexist… Bernard-Henri Levy helpfully tran… “‘From the river to the sea’, whic…

If opposites attract Then the most magnetic leaders Are our polar opposites We are drawn to them Because they are opposed

Given a ship that would never sink we proceeded to run it aground in search of

We have passed from an age of temporary solutions for permanent… consider religion and death– to an era of permanent solutions for temporary…