It’s not that we are past The point of no return But that we the people Have invested our life savings In scorn for our neighbor

People can’t really love their ene… but they sure can love the enemy of their enemy which actually gets them awful clo… to universal love anyway

Social media is a dream come true– Finally, I can keep up appearances while letting myself go

I tried using my get out of jail free card but the CVV on the back was Roman Numerals for eleven

If you instill children with self-esteem before they’ve fought and won confidence you’ll make of them cowards

Old habits are hard to break but impossible to make New habits, like flossing, are easy to make

The difference between poisonous snakes and venomous human beings is that when the snake bites you and explains

Both my parents were tall and I ended up a shrimp Not coincidentally, my diet has al… largely consisted of pink flamingo… though scientists insist that it’s…

The first time I went to a robot… I said it hurts when I do this just as I bared my soul and the robot doctor said Don’t do that

Were I not happily married to my Jewish bride I would have happily lived out the rest of my days none the wiser

It’s widely known that A man’s best availability is his a… The highest praise for a man is What would we do without him? But it’s rarely said that

When things were easy going it was easy to believe you were on the up and up But when the going got tough suddenly you were going

Wittgenstein let the fly out of the bottle but western philosophy was soon back on the bottle

7. “Strategic” nuclear war: Assured destruction = yes, but mut… 6. Giant asteroid hits earth: No one to blame 5. Cyber war:

My life was about to go down the drain but the drain was clogged