Democracy was superseded not by a police state but by a witness protection progra…

If your phalanges cause you to philander pluck off the ring

One person can never predict the future but two people can if they get married This is a clue

I always thought saying slide trombone was like saying pizza pie until I heard about the valve trombone

If you can get what you want you’re selling yourself short

When you come in peace I fall to pieces And then collect myself For the gathering storm

The human capacity for love is perfectly equaled by the human capacity for aggression The chances that these two traits would have been selected for

We’re told the space between galaxies is expanding but mightn’t the space within galaxies

This is the stage in history where we all give constructive cri… to the demolition crew

I know I’m losing an argument with my friends when my thoughts turn to lunch I know I’m winning when I’m about to lose my lunch

Somewhere between 27% and 53% of… none of which students can legally… is wasted Let’s split the difference and call it 40%

Because we know we must die and that survival depends on belonging we all live in fear

You can’t prove that God exists But even if you could People would just say Correlation does not imply causati…

It took the spies of Five Eyes to tell that Putin wasn’t bluffin’ But just ask the staff at Five Gu… and they’ll tell you Trump’s MacG… He longs for Daddy’s approval

Would my dentist still want me to floss if he knew that’s how I justified not going to the dentist